Safeco Field is a wonderful stadium and is one of the most beautiful parks in the country, if not the most. The old cliche "there isn't a bad seat in the house" applies. A great Sunday afternoon is spent in the sun at the park watching the Mariners most likely lose to a possibly superior club. Or hopefully win. But I'm cynical at this point. Anyway, the experience of Safeco the building is magnificent. Safeco really does feel like home.
Why is it then that the people who flock there are, for the most part, hard to sit near? I preface the rest of this post with the fact that this might just be me and that I have too high of standards. Not everyone is as big of a fan as me and not everyone follows the game as closely as me. This is something I've noticed this season especially but the fans at Safeco haven't been particularly knowledgeable or into the game even back when the team had great success. Yes, it was better earlier in the century but they still had the tendency to be terrible. This year, every game I've gone to has been marred by a bad fan experience. The home opener brought the girls who would not stop talking at an extremely high volume and the guys next to them who were borderline lecherous and just annoying in general. (The specifics will be less vague as we get closer to the present, don't worry.) Then there was the tool at a game later in the month who just made jokes about Griffey sleeping and otherwise was annoying everyone including those attending with him. Then there were the Cubs fans. My God the Cubs fans. On Wednesday there was the lady who was explaining every single detail to her companion, who was a Spaniard who likely had little experience with it. While this isn't really a problem, my strategy for explaining it would be to let them ask questions rather than explain every detail. And, y'know, not be wrong and say things like a run rarely scores in the first inning or that 80% of hockey teams make the playoffs while 20% of baseball teams do (the second fact is much closer to the truth, at least). Or explaining obvious things like why they play Do the Hustle after a stolen base.
But anyway, most of those are innocent enough. I like that she was trying to explain the game to someone who didn't know about it, even if it wasn't the greatest way to go about it. Today's game was what drove me crazy the most, though the team doing terribly didn't help. I was sitting next to my exact opposite as a person. Well, there were two of them but one was more obvious. For starters, he was old. I am not. That's the most basic. He talked pretty much the entire game. I do talk during the game but not continuously. What he talked about was not generally on topic and what was on topic was generally wildly inaccurate. I tend to talk about the game at hand and if it goes off topic, it's usually sparked by something else. I don't really talk about politics because I don't really know enough about them to talk about them. Not only did he talk about politics, his views to diametrically opposed to mine. And to top it all off, his granddaughter got rejected from Seattle U because her GPA was under 3.8 or something (which I suspect is BS because 1. I've never heard of that specific of a rejection letter and 2. it's not THAT important to get into our school I don't think.) All of this isn't really that bad. We're just different people. I just found the extent to how different we were was comical, right down to his hatred of my institution of higher learning.
No, the problem with this was the kind of fan these guys seemed to be. It started right away. Derek Jeter came to the plate. He is pretty well known as the Yankees' lead off hitter. Tom Hutyler said his name over the intercom. His picture and name were on the diamond vision as well as at least three other places in the stadium. He proceeds to ask "Who is this? Jeter?" Maybe this particular complaint is a problem for me because I tend to think people should be able to find things out for themselves. Maybe that's a lofty expectation of mine. It's akin to asking what the score is or what inning the game is in to me. I understand mid-inning or something since the information isn't always readily available because of various other things going on on the screens but it's fairly obvious during the game who is batting. This sort of thing continued on into the game, whether it was wondering where Sabathia was before he was a Yankee or whether the pitcher was still in when a player with a complete different piece of handedness came up.
I absolutely hate defeatism and extreme pessimism and these guys exhibited it. This is understandable this year, as the team has been dreadful, especially the hitting. Rowland-Smith started today and he has not been good this year. But he didn't deserve to give up 6 runs today. His first inning was:
groundout
throwing error by Lopez on a grounder (runner reached)
grounder through the hole between short and third for a single
reach on error on what is usually a fielder's choice at second
sacrifice fly to score run
ground ball single up the middle to score a run
strike out
So Ryan had what should've been five outs in the inning but what ended up being a 2-0 hole to start the game. The rest of the way, he was betrayed by his defense, with runners reaching on a ball dropped in the sun for a double. That runner eventually scored on a wild pitch, though I don't know if it was really RRS's fault. He did give up two legitimate doubles in the fourth but those were really the only two all night. Rowland-Smith deserved to give up maybe half of the runs he actually did give up and maybe fewer.
Which brings me, at long last, to the thing that pissed me off the most. I irrationally love Hyphen as a player and even have a jersey with his name and number, which I wore because he was starting. The douche next to me somehow noticed this and said "you have his jersey. You could go out there and pitch better than him," to which I mumbled barely audibly, "yeah." Why would you do something like this to 1. a fan of the same team as you and 2. in a game where he wasn't really that terrible and was just getting unlucky. If he was a Yankees fan, fine. But no. He wasn't. I don't go up to people with Griffey jerseys and make fun of them because he sucked this year or talk to them about how bad he was this year. People can be a fan of whoever they want to be. I just don't see the need to be that much of a dick to someone but then again I tend not to be confrontational.
Then the game just spiraled out of control. After RRS came out, the team was down 6 runs or more the rest of the way. When another ball fell for a double due to the sun, the offending fan proceeded to say "oh he won't catch this next fly ball, it's going to fall," and later, "maybe they just aren't used to the sun because they play in Seattle." This is not funny and just needlessly downerish. Gutierrez and Saunders aren't going to drop balls very often. Seattle being cloudy jokes have ceased being funny for pretty much ever. It's just, urgh.
Then when the Mariners finally did string together some hits, it was just "well that will help us win. Only need 12 more of those." Which I'll admit, I've thought before. But I've also not shown myself to be annoying the entire game up to that point. And I'm still always hoping that I'm going to witness the game where some gargantuan comeback occurs. But the main thing is that this season is over. The wins and losses don't really matter anymore. A win doesn't make us much more likely to make the playoffs. At this point I'm watching to see individual players do well and to see something entertaining. So why try to ruin that by saying something like that?
To finish off the talk of negative nancyism, every time a Mariner player would come up, these guys would remark at their poor hitting statistics, mainly the batting average. You mean a team that is one of two to score fewer than 300 runs in the first half doesn't have good hitting stats? Amazing! The one player they did laud for his hitting ability was Jack Wilson which, what? Him? Okay. But saying Justin Smoak isn't going to help this team because he's hitting .210 isn't really a great way to look at things because 1. he's a rookie 2. he's 24 3. he's only had 235 ABs 4. he's one of the best prospects in the game and 5. he's been here 2 days. The same goes for Saunders, besides the last point. Yes, Figgins has been terrible. Yes, Gutierrez has come back down to earth. Yes, Lopez and Kotchman have been terrible. But honestly, expressing surprise audibly every time they come up to the plate isn't necessary.
These fans reflected most of what annoys me about a lot of Safeco Field attendees, much like this game was like a microcosm of the entire season to this point. Not paying attention, not knowing much at all, being overly dickish for no reason and just being unfunny in general, willful ignorance. These qualities don't describe every Safeco fan. It's fine if you are one of these things. Hell, I don't pay attention to the game for every second. But it's the combination of these that are all too evident. There are great Mariners fans out there. But it seems like if these behaviors are at least somewhat on display every game, there is a problem. This on top of the general lack of want to cheer or clap unless prompted. Seahawks fans are the loudest in the league, as are Husky football fans and Sounders fans. Sonics fans were raucous and seemed knowledgeable in their day as well. So why are Mariner fans so much worse in general? Is it because the tickets are cheaper? Or that they've been bad for a while? Or that I've just been exposed to it more? Or am I just holding people to to high of a standard? Or simply just should stop eavesdropping and try to ignore it? I am certainly not going to stop going to Mariners games as I love them every time but this doesn't add to my enjoyment.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Desultory Musings
-Target's request system (time off, availability changes, etc.) is now online, which, welcome to the 21st century guys. The problem with this is that it is only compatible with Internet Explorer. This would be great if A. I had used IE anywhere but school in the last five years and B. the main computer I use wasn't a Mac and thus not compatible. I have gone to my parents' computer to try but The schedule tool doesn't work on there so yay. Using the computer in the break room at work isn't terrible but it's not very private. Meh, just another minor complaint about Target. I need to stop doing that.
-Part of my summer plans is to visit all four corners of the state (maybe five. Does Point Roberts count). I have already conquered the northwest portion with a wonderful journey to Cape Flattery with Anna. The other destinations are slightly less desirable to go to. Ilwaco not so much as, hey, it's on the coast. But the other two are Metaline Fallsand Anatone. As you can tell by the maps, not exactly hot beds of civilization. My original plan was to take these trips on my own, doing each in a day, partially because I want to get some miles on my car and because I want to see more of the state but also because I have a lot of audiobooks and podcasts that would be nice to catch up on. But looking at the optimistic Google Maps distance predictions, it takes 7 hours one way to the Eastern Washington locations and that's a lot. So rather than try to do 14 hours of driving on my own in one day, I thought, why not get someone to go with me and maybe we can camp or something over there? Let me know if you are interested in going on one or all of these trips. Otherwise I am content to go on my own.
-The other, more exciting part of summer I'm excited for is a 10 day trip to various Eastern time zone cities in August. The plan is to go to Cleveland, Cooperstown, Boston, New York and Washington in those 10 days which is quite ambitious but the first two cities are somewhat limited in what you can do there. (Yeah, I just likened Cleveland to Cooperstown. I'm pretty sure the only thing we're doing there is going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Baseball Hall of Fame, respectively so the comparison is apt. Sorry Clevelanders who may be reading this.) I'm really excited to see a part of the country I haven't seen. Seeing the Rock and Baseball Hall of Fames will be so fascinating. I can't imagine all the awesome that is contained in the BHOF. We're also going to see games in Fenway and Yankee Stadium, the latter involving the Mariners. (It will be nice to see the Mariners lose someplace new.) Along with that will be just experiencing New York. I'm really excited for DC because, on top of all the Memorials and governments buildings, there's so many awesome museums there. I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend an entire day in the Smithsonian. This is a really small picture of all of these cities but I am really excited anyhow. I can go back later in life and experience them more fully but it will be nice to see all the touristy things there and to experience the different way of life that exists there. (First time experiencing East Coast humidity will be grrrrreat.)
-I am a rather picky eater and have been thinking lately of making a list of foods I do not like and why just for reference and because it might be fascinating for others. Most of the problem is texture (onions, tomatoes, cooked spinach). There's not a lot of foods I don't like because of taste. As a result of this distaste (distexture?) for a lot of different kinds of things, I have to keep a strict policy of only asking to remove three things from something at a restaurant. Mmmmm this pasta looks good. Oh... onions, mushrooms, peppers and capers. Never mind. It's a gag reflex thing I guess. So if I'm ever at your house and am picking something you have made me, it is not a criticism of your cooking, I promise.
-Summer has led me to once again revisit the idea that I am a nightowl. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep before two. This generally works because I don't really have any non-work obligations but I'm not a giant fan of it. But I think this might be the way I actually get the required amount of sleep. I get so tired that I can't do anything but sleep. I am more wide awake at 2 AM sometimes than I am at 2 PM a lot of the time. This is why I kind of like having a roommate because it forces me to go to sleep earlier. Since most people don't stay up as late as me, I tend to just go to bed when they go to bed. I don't want to be that asshole roommate who is up really late reading Cracked for no apparent reading or loudly typing (this is for you Bryan). I actually do like 8 and 9 AM but I can't get to sleep in time to see them without being unbearably tired most of the time. Curse you internet and XBox.
-Part of my summer plans is to visit all four corners of the state (maybe five. Does Point Roberts count). I have already conquered the northwest portion with a wonderful journey to Cape Flattery with Anna. The other destinations are slightly less desirable to go to. Ilwaco not so much as, hey, it's on the coast. But the other two are Metaline Fallsand Anatone. As you can tell by the maps, not exactly hot beds of civilization. My original plan was to take these trips on my own, doing each in a day, partially because I want to get some miles on my car and because I want to see more of the state but also because I have a lot of audiobooks and podcasts that would be nice to catch up on. But looking at the optimistic Google Maps distance predictions, it takes 7 hours one way to the Eastern Washington locations and that's a lot. So rather than try to do 14 hours of driving on my own in one day, I thought, why not get someone to go with me and maybe we can camp or something over there? Let me know if you are interested in going on one or all of these trips. Otherwise I am content to go on my own.
-The other, more exciting part of summer I'm excited for is a 10 day trip to various Eastern time zone cities in August. The plan is to go to Cleveland, Cooperstown, Boston, New York and Washington in those 10 days which is quite ambitious but the first two cities are somewhat limited in what you can do there. (Yeah, I just likened Cleveland to Cooperstown. I'm pretty sure the only thing we're doing there is going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Baseball Hall of Fame, respectively so the comparison is apt. Sorry Clevelanders who may be reading this.) I'm really excited to see a part of the country I haven't seen. Seeing the Rock and Baseball Hall of Fames will be so fascinating. I can't imagine all the awesome that is contained in the BHOF. We're also going to see games in Fenway and Yankee Stadium, the latter involving the Mariners. (It will be nice to see the Mariners lose someplace new.) Along with that will be just experiencing New York. I'm really excited for DC because, on top of all the Memorials and governments buildings, there's so many awesome museums there. I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend an entire day in the Smithsonian. This is a really small picture of all of these cities but I am really excited anyhow. I can go back later in life and experience them more fully but it will be nice to see all the touristy things there and to experience the different way of life that exists there. (First time experiencing East Coast humidity will be grrrrreat.)
-I am a rather picky eater and have been thinking lately of making a list of foods I do not like and why just for reference and because it might be fascinating for others. Most of the problem is texture (onions, tomatoes, cooked spinach). There's not a lot of foods I don't like because of taste. As a result of this distaste (distexture?) for a lot of different kinds of things, I have to keep a strict policy of only asking to remove three things from something at a restaurant. Mmmmm this pasta looks good. Oh... onions, mushrooms, peppers and capers. Never mind. It's a gag reflex thing I guess. So if I'm ever at your house and am picking something you have made me, it is not a criticism of your cooking, I promise.
-Summer has led me to once again revisit the idea that I am a nightowl. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep before two. This generally works because I don't really have any non-work obligations but I'm not a giant fan of it. But I think this might be the way I actually get the required amount of sleep. I get so tired that I can't do anything but sleep. I am more wide awake at 2 AM sometimes than I am at 2 PM a lot of the time. This is why I kind of like having a roommate because it forces me to go to sleep earlier. Since most people don't stay up as late as me, I tend to just go to bed when they go to bed. I don't want to be that asshole roommate who is up really late reading Cracked for no apparent reading or loudly typing (this is for you Bryan). I actually do like 8 and 9 AM but I can't get to sleep in time to see them without being unbearably tired most of the time. Curse you internet and XBox.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Target Shoppers Part... 3?
I thought of more. It's not hard.
The Comedian (hat tip to Robyn)
Makes jokes that are hard to respond too without either seeming like you are no fun or taking the joke too far. Thinks item is free if it has no numbers or barcode. Expects a discount and makes you feel like a Narc if you don't give it to them (though this could be just being an ass. I had a very awkward transaction like this though where I didn't know what to say when they kept saying "Aw man, you can give me a discount. Target can afford it!") Other various jokes that are more awkward than funny.
The Underly-Concerned-About-Conveyor-Belt
Puts jewelry right on belt and is surprised when it gets caught underneath metal thingy. Puts CASH ON THE BELT WHILE IT IS MOVING. Puts purse/wallet on belt/in basket and is surprised when you are unsure of whether they are buying it or not. Puts gift card they are paying with on belt and is ambiguous about whether they are purchasing it or paying with it.
The Overly-Concerned-About-Conveyor-Belt
Holds all clothing and hands directly to you so as not to get it dirty on the conveyor belt, despite the clothes having been God knows where in shipping and the conveyor belt not being made of ink. Moves their stuff once the belt continues to move because item is not big enough to be sensed, which only causes it to move for longer.
The Self Bagger
Rips the bags right off the holders before you are done. Does not think that simply asking you to put the other stuff in a new bag will suffice. Ruins the who bag feng shui by tanking inappropriately.
Closely related to Guy Who Wants Bags for Everything Including 24 Packs of Toilet Paper and 12 Packs of Coke
I think I'm done with this for now. New people come up all the time but meh.
The Comedian (hat tip to Robyn)
Makes jokes that are hard to respond too without either seeming like you are no fun or taking the joke too far. Thinks item is free if it has no numbers or barcode. Expects a discount and makes you feel like a Narc if you don't give it to them (though this could be just being an ass. I had a very awkward transaction like this though where I didn't know what to say when they kept saying "Aw man, you can give me a discount. Target can afford it!") Other various jokes that are more awkward than funny.
The Underly-Concerned-About-Conveyor-Belt
Puts jewelry right on belt and is surprised when it gets caught underneath metal thingy. Puts CASH ON THE BELT WHILE IT IS MOVING. Puts purse/wallet on belt/in basket and is surprised when you are unsure of whether they are buying it or not. Puts gift card they are paying with on belt and is ambiguous about whether they are purchasing it or paying with it.
The Overly-Concerned-About-Conveyor-Belt
Holds all clothing and hands directly to you so as not to get it dirty on the conveyor belt, despite the clothes having been God knows where in shipping and the conveyor belt not being made of ink. Moves their stuff once the belt continues to move because item is not big enough to be sensed, which only causes it to move for longer.
The Self Bagger
Rips the bags right off the holders before you are done. Does not think that simply asking you to put the other stuff in a new bag will suffice. Ruins the who bag feng shui by tanking inappropriately.
Closely related to Guy Who Wants Bags for Everything Including 24 Packs of Toilet Paper and 12 Packs of Coke
I think I'm done with this for now. New people come up all the time but meh.
On English (with pointers!)
I am what some would call a grammar Nazi. It's true, I correct people's spelling and grammar a lot. And I can sound like a tool because of it. But the thing is, it bothers me a lot for some reason. People have started writing more stupidly (no, it's not stupider) since the age of the internet and texting began. And I don't adhere to rule of grammar and punctuation when I'm instant messaging or texting just like most people. But that's because they are less formal methods of communication and the goal of them is quickness rather than typing accuracy. The key there is that I am always at least coherent. The incoherence I see is one of the more frustrating things I see. Not using punctuation at all makes it quite difficult to read things. I'm typically fine with it if it's a friend of mine because, hey, I can understand you when I talk to you in person. but when you see random people typing sentences like this it gets really annoying doesnt it i bet you cant understand whats going on no periods no commas no nothing its a bit of a trainwreck isnt it. Yeah, you can piece together the message of it but good lord it takes so much longer to read.
(You may notice I used a conjunction at the beginning of many of the sentences in the last paragraph. This is because I don't necessarily think that that particular rule is necessary anymore, though I wish I had a better reason why. This is an example of language evolving towards the better in my opinion. But I digress.)
Boy, that was a fun parenthetical. Anyway, I'm not sure where this evolved from. I guess I've always been good at language and writing. When I first write a draft of a paper, the need for editing for spelling or punctuation errors is generally negligible, besides random typos or perhaps poor comma usage. (Use of commas is my weak point in writing. I tend to not use enough of them.) I guess it's because my writing tends to be properly capitalized and punctuated and all that good grammatical stuff that it makes me notice when others spell things wrong or just sprinkle apostrophes where they don't belong. It doesn't help that my Business Communications class was pretty grammar intensive and the professor was a pretty big stickler for having the best writing you could. ("Best practice" not "common practice", guys!)
So anyway, when/if I correct your grammar and I'm not proofreading your paper or something else like that, it's out of love. Or because you keep making the same mistake and I want to help you. It's a little elitist of me I admit to hold people to this standard even in, say, facebook comments and statuses, but I don't notice or point them out out of condescension. It's because it can drive me crazy and also the fact that I do want people to know if what they're (yes, it's they're. It's replacing they are. Sorry guys.) typing wrong. Maybe it's not my duty to do this but it certainly can't hurt someone to know one of their mistakes, unless they have some sort of weird medical condition that causes their skin to break out when corrected on something. In which case, I think you should try to get into a medical journal of some sort because, man that would be rare. I like things to be readable. It saves everyone a lot of time if there isn't vague wording in someone's writing. But if I do point it out, it's because it's happened A LOT or because I know I'm close enough to someone that they won't get pissed at me for pointing it out and make me feel like a dick. But it should be noted that I err on the side of not correcting and tend not to do it because I did it too much as a lad and I don't like to feel like that guy who always corrects people.
At the risk of sounding like a tool, I leave you with three tips for writing that are pretty simple and will lead to less potential for embarrassment in the future:
1. 's vs. s
's is to indicate possession. S, without the apostrophe, is to indicate a plural. The one exception to this is in the case of it. It's is a contraction of it is whereas its indicates something belongs to it. There are a lot of irregular plurals because, hey, English is weird, but this is just a general rule. So when writing a sentence using plurals, think about whether you are trying to show that something owns something else. If it doesn't, don't use an apostrophe.
Good: The walrus's tusks were poached, contrary to popular belief, for their sweet, sweet tusk juices rather than for ivory.
Bad: The walruses tusk's were poached, contrary to popular belief, for their sweet, sweet tusk juice's rather than for ivory.
Good: It's going to get on the snail's nerves if you keep throwing salt in its path.
Bad: It's going to get on the snail's nerve's if you keep throwing salt in it's path.
2. they're, their and there
They're is a contraction of they are (as I so astutely pointed out earlier). Their indicates possession of something by a group. There indicated a position that is somewhere besides here.
Good: They're going over there to their pencil box factory to play poker.
Bad: There going over their to its pencil box factory to play poker.
3. Quotation marks
Quotation marks are to be used only when quoting someone or when saying something ironically. Use of superfluous quotation marks leads to the importance or actuality of said object to be lost. When a quotation is used inside a quote, either ironically or actually quoting, they transform into apostrophes to avoid confusion.
Good: "We're going to have to go at ten o'clock," Jose said, wearily. "Yancey's 'roommates' want him home by eleven and I'm his ride."
The quotes are used correctly here because Yancey is 38 and refers to his parents, whom he still lives with, as his roommates. Also, Jose did indeed say this.
Bad: Guest's: can you please put your "jackets" on the "hook" so they aren't in the way.
Not only did this person add the heinous unnecessary apostrophe, the quotation marks around "jackets" and "hook" imply that these are theoretical and can lead to smartasses to wonder how such things don't actual exist.
There are more that I could talk about but these are the most common and I can't think of any others right now.
I leave you with the great works from The Oatmeal on the subject and a cartoon from Allie Brosh (from Hyperbole and a Half, which you should be reading) about what she imagines when people use "alot" instead of "a lot".
The Oatmeal on Irony
The Oatmeal on How to Use a Semicolon
The Oatmeal on How to Use an Apostrophe
Seriously, read everything the Oatmeal does. It's amazing.
(You may notice I used a conjunction at the beginning of many of the sentences in the last paragraph. This is because I don't necessarily think that that particular rule is necessary anymore, though I wish I had a better reason why. This is an example of language evolving towards the better in my opinion. But I digress.)
Boy, that was a fun parenthetical. Anyway, I'm not sure where this evolved from. I guess I've always been good at language and writing. When I first write a draft of a paper, the need for editing for spelling or punctuation errors is generally negligible, besides random typos or perhaps poor comma usage. (Use of commas is my weak point in writing. I tend to not use enough of them.) I guess it's because my writing tends to be properly capitalized and punctuated and all that good grammatical stuff that it makes me notice when others spell things wrong or just sprinkle apostrophes where they don't belong. It doesn't help that my Business Communications class was pretty grammar intensive and the professor was a pretty big stickler for having the best writing you could. ("Best practice" not "common practice", guys!)
So anyway, when/if I correct your grammar and I'm not proofreading your paper or something else like that, it's out of love. Or because you keep making the same mistake and I want to help you. It's a little elitist of me I admit to hold people to this standard even in, say, facebook comments and statuses, but I don't notice or point them out out of condescension. It's because it can drive me crazy and also the fact that I do want people to know if what they're (yes, it's they're. It's replacing they are. Sorry guys.) typing wrong. Maybe it's not my duty to do this but it certainly can't hurt someone to know one of their mistakes, unless they have some sort of weird medical condition that causes their skin to break out when corrected on something. In which case, I think you should try to get into a medical journal of some sort because, man that would be rare. I like things to be readable. It saves everyone a lot of time if there isn't vague wording in someone's writing. But if I do point it out, it's because it's happened A LOT or because I know I'm close enough to someone that they won't get pissed at me for pointing it out and make me feel like a dick. But it should be noted that I err on the side of not correcting and tend not to do it because I did it too much as a lad and I don't like to feel like that guy who always corrects people.
At the risk of sounding like a tool, I leave you with three tips for writing that are pretty simple and will lead to less potential for embarrassment in the future:
1. 's vs. s
's is to indicate possession. S, without the apostrophe, is to indicate a plural. The one exception to this is in the case of it. It's is a contraction of it is whereas its indicates something belongs to it. There are a lot of irregular plurals because, hey, English is weird, but this is just a general rule. So when writing a sentence using plurals, think about whether you are trying to show that something owns something else. If it doesn't, don't use an apostrophe.
Good: The walrus's tusks were poached, contrary to popular belief, for their sweet, sweet tusk juices rather than for ivory.
Bad: The walruses tusk's were poached, contrary to popular belief, for their sweet, sweet tusk juice's rather than for ivory.
Good: It's going to get on the snail's nerves if you keep throwing salt in its path.
Bad: It's going to get on the snail's nerve's if you keep throwing salt in it's path.
2. they're, their and there
They're is a contraction of they are (as I so astutely pointed out earlier). Their indicates possession of something by a group. There indicated a position that is somewhere besides here.
Good: They're going over there to their pencil box factory to play poker.
Bad: There going over their to its pencil box factory to play poker.
3. Quotation marks
Quotation marks are to be used only when quoting someone or when saying something ironically. Use of superfluous quotation marks leads to the importance or actuality of said object to be lost. When a quotation is used inside a quote, either ironically or actually quoting, they transform into apostrophes to avoid confusion.
Good: "We're going to have to go at ten o'clock," Jose said, wearily. "Yancey's 'roommates' want him home by eleven and I'm his ride."
The quotes are used correctly here because Yancey is 38 and refers to his parents, whom he still lives with, as his roommates. Also, Jose did indeed say this.
Bad: Guest's: can you please put your "jackets" on the "hook" so they aren't in the way.
Not only did this person add the heinous unnecessary apostrophe, the quotation marks around "jackets" and "hook" imply that these are theoretical and can lead to smartasses to wonder how such things don't actual exist.
There are more that I could talk about but these are the most common and I can't think of any others right now.
I leave you with the great works from The Oatmeal on the subject and a cartoon from Allie Brosh (from Hyperbole and a Half, which you should be reading) about what she imagines when people use "alot" instead of "a lot".
The Oatmeal on Irony
The Oatmeal on How to Use a Semicolon
The Oatmeal on How to Use an Apostrophe
Seriously, read everything the Oatmeal does. It's amazing.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Three Years
Sometime in the next few days (either the 3rd or the 7th) I will "celebrate" 3 years at Target. Yay? Some would argue that it's bad that I've been at the same place for that long and haven't really moved up while others, me included generally, would argue it's good to have had a stable job and the lack of moving up is the lack of ability to work full time for more than 3 months at a time. As annoying as Target can be, it's not a terrible job and there's a decent sense of loyalty there for me. While there's always a little bit of a feeling of lack of appreciation, I'm glad they're so flexible with time off and leaves of absences. I don't think I've gotten any time off requests denied that I've submitted on time.
But anyway enough of that. To celebrate this joyous occasion, I'm going to complain. I already did thisto a certain extent but there's more!
The Teenage Bystander
Is texting and/or on the phone. If not, is reading a magazine that will be put back in 2 minutes. Ignores the stack of 6 bags cashier is trying to keep from falling off the counter. Does not help parent with bags. Seems generally unhappy to be there, even though parent is paying for multiple things that are theirs.
I was gong to have Ignorant Parent in this place but I realize that parenting is harder than I probably realize. But still guys, please try to keep your kid from screaming uncontrollably in public and/or putting random items on the belt that you do not want and/or wandering off to look at something. But still, this is less awful as I understand that there are probably days where you just stop caring.
The Unknowing Credit Card Applicant
Is shocked when 10% discount does not apply if instant approval doesn't happen. Thinks Target is stealing their information if disapproved. Is shocked at the amount of information asked in the process. And people wonder why I hate asking people if they want a red card.
To add to Unnecessarily Irate
Is angry if they can't read entire agreement when signing for a credit card transaction, even if me pressing total earlier would have resulted in her not reading it and the high unlikelihood that it says anything objectionable when exchanging currency for goods.
Again, there might be more. But I don't always remember these things that well if I think of them at the time.
But anyway enough of that. To celebrate this joyous occasion, I'm going to complain. I already did thisto a certain extent but there's more!
The Teenage Bystander
Is texting and/or on the phone. If not, is reading a magazine that will be put back in 2 minutes. Ignores the stack of 6 bags cashier is trying to keep from falling off the counter. Does not help parent with bags. Seems generally unhappy to be there, even though parent is paying for multiple things that are theirs.
I was gong to have Ignorant Parent in this place but I realize that parenting is harder than I probably realize. But still guys, please try to keep your kid from screaming uncontrollably in public and/or putting random items on the belt that you do not want and/or wandering off to look at something. But still, this is less awful as I understand that there are probably days where you just stop caring.
The Unknowing Credit Card Applicant
Is shocked when 10% discount does not apply if instant approval doesn't happen. Thinks Target is stealing their information if disapproved. Is shocked at the amount of information asked in the process. And people wonder why I hate asking people if they want a red card.
To add to Unnecessarily Irate
Is angry if they can't read entire agreement when signing for a credit card transaction, even if me pressing total earlier would have resulted in her not reading it and the high unlikelihood that it says anything objectionable when exchanging currency for goods.
Again, there might be more. But I don't always remember these things that well if I think of them at the time.
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